Saturday, February 16, 2008
Happy Chinese New Year to all out there!
It is the tenth day of the new year alr.
Somehow i feel that ive enjoyed this new year more than the rest maybe because Jamie came back and i totally enjoyed my time with her.
I guess the fact that we will no longer be able to spend times like those in the past has finally sank in and i move on with my life as well.
Dad touched on that qns and i guess she's gna stay there for good.
Think Koji will nv wanna come here.
I was disappointed with the manner Jamie answered that qns.
I can feel that her priority in life is no longer us.
I can feel the disppointment in my Dad's eyes. He dotes on her the most.
And now he has indeed lost her daughter.
That was his fear when she left for Japan 5 years ago but at that time she claimed that she will ultimately be coming back here, now it's apparent that she's gg to break that promise.
But what can parents say?
They just hide their disappointment and unhappiness inside and wish that Koji will treat her well forever.
somehow, i feel that she is being so selfish.
He is being so selfish as well.
I am so sure that our family will not be the same anymore.
More so if they get married.
K and the "big one" will nv get along.
The "big one" will complain and whine in a way that she has been doing everyday.
Somehow, the "sisters-ship" will nv be the same anymore.
Right now already it does not feel right.
At times, i feel rli emotional over this.
We used to be so close,
but now singapore is like her holiday destination.
It comes to a stage whereby I just let thgs be and let nature tks its course and if it turns ugly then so be it.
I have had enough being the "bridge" for everyone.
I am the youngest so my opinion and comments alws mean nthg.
Nobody will listen to the youngest even when the youngest is right.
They just shut off when the youngest starts talking.
So I will just keep quiet.
Everything i do is stupid and alright as u said i am the most stupid person on earth, yes i am indeed or else why would i let u criticise me as tho i am not ur sister and merely a stranger on the road, in front of all our relatives and friends and not even retaliate?
I think u shd at least show me the basic respect i think i deserve??
Seriously, how cld ive tolerated for all these years? I don't know.
Every night i pray that u can change, just a little, we will be contented.
How to carry on living with u? I don't know.
I guess that's why J doesnt wanna come back.
NOBODY with the correct mindset will wanna give up a carefree life for a life like a mute prisoner whenever at home..
I rli wonder why do i bother to do so much when nobody appreciates?
Did god create me to be a giver ALL my life???
I am freaking tired...
What happened to Wenny brought bad those memories.
Why izzit that we all love JERKS more than those who appreciates us more?
Why izzit so hard to let those freaking B*stards get outta our minds and hearts?
It is like the more they hurt us, the more we love them!
It makes me feel like i am a whore!
Everyday at work i see THE name, i pick up his phonecalls, how to move on?? How to forget?
I agreed with Sherry and Lyns that school days were so heavenly.
We don't have to worry abt money issues, politics at work, future.
As a student uve got to worry only abt exams.
Today, exams seem to be such a minor and insignificant issue to us.
I feel that ive aged 5 yrs after working.
I am so tired aft work everyday and i dnt feel young anymore.
This is it, time to rli grow up.
And it is getting tougher to be happy and laugh out loud nowadays....i envy my juniors and those of my friends who are still studyg.
I should be contented.
I mean I have a job, stable income, family, friends, evthg i shd have i have them.
But why I am still not satisfied?
It's like somehow i still feel empty and lost.
Something is not right but I dntknow how to explain this feeling.
Urghhh tell me what to do??
To my dearest Bunny- I am really happy to see you leading a blissful life as u enter a new phase in ur life w Gan. Rmb to look forward with hopes and enthusiasm. Evthg's gna be fine, u guys will work it out perfectly. Thanks for my DIOR ( it is like FINALLY!!! haha!) Looking forward to our nxt date. Love you!
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I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;
get one from 